Valerie Bertinelli is sharing her thoughts on past relationship mistakes. The actress and Food Network star took to social media to reflect on her experiences and offer advice to fans. “When you feel hurt and wronged and know you deserve an apology but are being stonewalled by your partner because they’re feeling shame, maybe this can shift your thinking,” Bertinelli wrote in an Instagram post.
She suggested that constantly criticizing a partner and expecting them to change can make things worse. “Are you only pointing out what they’re doing wrong, being hypercritical, and expecting them to just fix it? That could be making things worse,” she said.
Bertinelli emphasized that real change doesn’t happen through criticism or pressure. She advised approaching conflicts with empathy and understanding instead. “Maybe try, ‘This is how I feel when this happens, can we figure this out together?’ That one small change can make a difference.
Then you’re on the same team.
Valerie’s advice on relationship empathy
You’re not working against each other, you’re working with each other,” she wrote.
The actress admitted that this approach isn’t easy, especially when emotions are running high after being hurt. However, she believes it may lead to a better chance of getting the apology and amends one deserves. Bertinelli also touched on her own relationship history, revealing that she has “two failed marriages” and “fumbled the last true good man” she met.
Most recently, she dated Mike Goodnough for 10 months before they broke up in November. Prior to that, Bertinelli was married to Tom Vitale from 2011 to 2022. She was also previously married to the late Eddie Van Halen from 1981 to 2007, with whom she shares son Wolfgang.
Despite her past challenges, Bertinelli expressed hope for growth and healing in relationships. “I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we’ve hurt someone we love and shame prevents us from thinking clearly. Wouldn’t it be nice to relieve the one you love from shame so they can truly give you the amends you’re looking for?” she wrote.